One morning Susan Crawford of Kittery, Maine, woke up with a painful need to urinate. At first she thought she had diarrhea, but when she stood up out of bed, she realized that it was urinary pain. It was very similar to the feeling of having diarrhea, just out the wrong hole.
She wobbled to the toilet and upon sitting on it, her vagina erupted into the most horrific messy farting noise anyone has ever heard. In paralyzing pain, Ms. Crawford continued to push and squirt out of her vagina for the next few minutes a burning tide of wretch and filth while she gripped the sides of the toilet, white-knuckled. She was screaming wildly, and the neighbors called the police.
When medics arrived they found Ms. Crawford unconscious lying on the floor of her bathroom wearing nothing but her bath robe. Running down her leg was a stream of brown and green syrup. The medic had to transfer her to a stretcher, so he grabbed her left leg which was bent crossing her other leg, to straighten her out; she was lying there all twisted up. When he lifted her left leg to straighten her body out, he exposed her vagina, at which point a creature, no larger than the tip of a finger, wormed its way out of her genitals and landed on the floor with a wet popping sound. Shocked, the medic stared at the creature that was lying on the tile bathroom floor in a casing of mucus. It was a tiny mud shrimp -- it sat there on the cold floor gasping for water while flipping itself back and forth. The horrified medic turned to the toilet as he felt nausea setting in. When he put his face down into the toilet to puke, what he saw was so horrific that to this day he cannot look into a toilet without convulsing.
The entire toilet bowl was boiling with baby brown mud shrimp flipping and splashing at a furious pace.
Ms. Crawford's official death was the result of a combination of shock and severe head trauma. She stood up over the toilet in pain and when she saw what she had done, she went into shock and fell, smashing her head on the toilet and then on the floor. It is believed that on two nights before the accident she had purchased a live lobster at a fish market: While lying in her bed, she gently inserted the creature's tail into her vagina to derive pleasure, at which point, she held a lighter under the creature's face causing it to flip its tail in a violent, snapping motion.
The medics found a Lesbian porno video in the VCR and the TV was positioned on a table in front of the bed. The lobster was found in the kitchen garbage can wrapped in a paper bag. Traces of Ms. Crawford's DNA were found on the lobster along with pubic hairs that had wedged themselves between the lobster tail joints. The lobster's face was lightly burned with the same fuel used in lighters. The lobster's digestive track and colon were found to be full of mud shrimp egg casings. Doctors believe that the lobster had eaten them (they are common in the water at fish markets and are usually harmlessly boiled to death) and the lobster had crapped them out into Ms. Crawford's cunt when she was torturing it. Maine mud shrimp only take two days to gestate and Ms. Crawford was only four days away from getting her period, doctors believe that at that point of her menstrual cycle, her womb was the perfect pH balance to grow these mud shrimp. Over night the eggs had hatched and the mud shrimp began doubling in size every ten minutes. You can imagine the pain she was in when she woke up that morning and gave birth to well over 1,000 mud shrimp in her toilet.
I just found an old post by the WIPO Troll, in the trolltalk SID. Brought back so many wonderful memories; watching everyone's favorite crapflooder flood Slash with crap, spewing torrents of raw sewage from his ass onto CmdrTaco's beloved websites. Ah, those were the days. When I could sit back and watch the feces splattering from a safe distance, content to laugh and do nothing more.
Now those days are gone. The WIPO Troll is gone; his internet access cut, and his ass hauled off to prison for crapflooding one too many bitches. Now I feel I must fill the void that has been left by the absence of our beloved WIPO troll, our fearless crapflood leader, who so boldly sacrificed himself in the name of bathing entire websites in liquid shit. It's my calling.