Slashcode

I don't care if this entry "goes down on my permanent record." Anyways.. okay.. today.. was fucked up. I don't know, it wasn't all that cool except for when I almost blew up the lab in Chemistry >=) .. Anyways. My girlfriend didn't talk to me at all.. basically.. just a hello/goodbye type of deal. Okay, she wants space.. I understand that. But she could at least tell me in the morning, so I'm not worrying about it the WHOLE day. I don't mean to treat her like a porcelain doll. I just try to be a gentleman. I apologize for it.. if you want me to stop, tell me. Fine, I won't wait/watch you in the morning in front of your classes anymore since you hate it. If you want to talk, you can come find me. I won't go stalking you anymore. Hmm. .what else? The poem should have been self-explanatory. Just open up.. don't close me out.. Please.. I told you what will happen, and we promised eachother we'd tell eachother everything from now on. But so on, the resaon why I "freak out" when you don't talk to me.. is because I hardly get to see you.. and we don't spend all that much time together, because of me being grounded, and us having school. But.. Not just that, at lunch.. we kind of hang out, and you don't talk to me..Why? If you need space, just TELL me. Don't leave me hanging.. =( I don't like that. If you want to go off and chill with your friends, I don't mind at all, you have the right to do that, you're not on a leash. I told you, I just don't get that much time to hang out with you. That's why I'd like to stay with you as much as I can. If you're going to go off, at least tell me.. And if I'm not going to see you for the rest of the lunch period/day.. I'd like a hug at least.. You could do that much.. I don't know what you mean by "You don't always have to be right by me to be with me" but whatever. As for the me the me thinking youre going to hurt yourself.. you just told me that you cut yourself yesterday.. what am I supposed to think? You want space and time to think about stuff? Fine. Will do. When you want to talk, you can come find me, I won't go bothering you. *Nods his head to The Gorrillaz, Clint Eastwood* Mmm hmm.. right. Well, yeah, the rest of the day wasn't all too good. I don't know what else to fuckin' talk about.. so if you guys have any comments.. just write on here.. and I'll check it out later. I just don't want to loose you, Emili.. but fine, you want space, I'll give it to you. Come to me when you're ready or you've figured things out. One love, peace out all.

Heylo journal.. I had fun today. I went to the mall with Emili and Nikki.. I actually didn't mind her being there, we got along and it went fine. ... I had a WEIRD ass conversation with Emili last night.. but yeah, I won't be talking about that in public.. she knows what it was.. ermm.. Lucky #3.. RIIIGHT! Anyways.. Lol We went to the mall today, and chilled.. We didn't do much, just walked around and acted like FrEaKs as always. ...NO! December 19th draws ever nearer.. I dread that day; the day she leaves for Utah.. ARGH! I'll be fuckin' going INSANE! Just like the girl on Texas Chainsaw Massacre... Vrmm vrmm! Right, anyways. hmm.. Don't know what to type.. I went to the library with Emili yesterday.. and kissed her again.. finally.. after three months.. and Today, (The 26) was our Anniversary! (I don't care that we kept going out on and off) ..It's so cool! THREE MONTHS.. Not too long.. and when it's Emili's birthday, (April 26) it will have been 8 months! An anniversary and birthday.. Suh-weet! Lol.. yaaa.. that conversation was really weird.. really really weird.. Anyways. My mom said I could probably get the chair I wanted from Spencers! I also showed her the posters, the black light and the strobe light and she said i'd probably be able to have them... KICK ASS! Mwahahaha *Laughs maniacly* Right.. well.. * Nods his head to Limp Bizkit* Heh, it's a RaWk night.. I got a new bag today, it wasn't the EXACT one i wanted, but it's close enough, and Emili can help me decorate it! Hehe.. I'm going to fucking miss her so much when she leaves.. *Sigh* Anyways, no bad thoughts.. just happy thoughts.. Emili, I love you sooo much baby! I'll talk to you later.. the rest of you, i hope you enjoyed my journal.. Pfft

Wow... After spending every second I could with Emili today.. I really really.. really.. REALLY think.. I'm in love.. holy shit, it freaks me out. But.. I love this feeling, except when I miss her so much it HURTS!!! I want her, like HELL! In every way possible.. I think our "relationship" is going really well.. i'm so fucking glad that we decided to stop fighting, and just start telling eachother everything.. Then I can help her with any problems she has.. I just hope she trusts me enough to tell me. My mom said I can go to the mall with her tomorrow, if I finish my work.. so yeah, have to finish that damn crap. I don't care WHAT I have to do, as long as I can spend time with her... She's my everything.. lol, this music is funny.. "When I move, you move, just like that, When I move, you move, just like that." Big Luda! Lol.. anyways.. Yeah, listening to Rap tonight.. Unfortunately, Emili is at the school football game.. and I can't go *mutter* .. I need to call her tomorrow morning. ..Omg! ..I can't believe some fuckers messed with our house.. They threw paint all over the fucking place, then tried to throw something through our wall! ..Omg.. I hope everything will be okay, I don't know if it's someone tha tknows me, and wanted to piss me the fuck off, or whatever.. Or if it was just some random bitch, trashing a house.. If it was someone that knows me, and has beef.. Better step up bitch, because your actions are writing checks that your ass won't be able to cash.. You best step the fuck back, I'll hack your ass wit my chainsaw... I'll skin your ass raw.. and if my day keeps going this way, I just might BREAK YO FUCKING FACE TONIGHT! .. So, stay the hell away from my house.. Emili.. omg.. I love you.. Good night journal, I'll wrote more when my mind thinks of more.. Heh

Ahh.. today was good... This morning was okay, had all my work turned in for English. I saw Emili this morning.. for a little.. yesterday, we hung out at the library, and it started raining, so went to go play out in the rain! It was so much fun! But then, before she left, she was cold, so i let her have my shirt.. it was so big on her.. and she looked so cute in it.. =) it makes me happy... to know that we care for eachother in the end.. no matter what. That's a good thing though.. now if we can only get around the whole not trusting eachother thing, i think we'd be fine. She said i was right, so hopefully in future relationships we'll be able to talk about things when we have problems.. Katie and I broke up last night.. It wasn't.. good.. but it wasn't bad either. It relieved a lot of stress.. I mean.. REALLY. I like Katie a lot.. but i think.. we weren't really feeling the "click" so.. at least we can still be best friends and stuff.. tell eachother anything and everything... Katie, you still da bomb..! Emili.. i love you.. with all my heart.. if you read this, ask Jenny to give you that note i wrote to her.. it may help us out.. who knows.. if not, then come to me, and we'll talk about it. TODAY we went to the library again. Unfortunately, she could only stay until four.. but we had fun.. looked through books wiff purdy piccies... made jokes... talked.. kind of cuddled through the hallways.. heh.. it was nice, and it made me feel that i was cared and loved for.. i hope she felt the same way.. then we went outside and Emili told me about her ..uhm.. "pole" lol.. it was just a joke, but it was funny. THEN I MET PHIL! (i hope thats how to spell it) .. Phil is Emiliciou's baby squirrel! He was so cute! She told him what to do, and he'd go do it.. Phil went to go visit a friend that was.. "expecting" ... *Clears his throat* .. yeah.. Eww.. A2 sucked today.. we went over papers, then we watched this movie on Binge Drinkers.. LOVELY.. you know, people drinking WAAAY too much, then passing out, or going into comas, and maybe later throwing up on their own vomit.. Jimmi Hendrix style (R.I.P.) *Sigh*.. then she basically had to go.. i... didnt get a kiss from her.. but i dont know if i should or not.. and then my frickin MOM had to be gay and tell me I cant go out with her until AFTER Christmas-Frickin'-Vacation! .. Flaming Homosexual.. (heh, used your insult Em) i want to kiss her.. really badly.. that small .. little Kiss we shared before i left at 8:25 and 21 seconds.. it made sparks and fireworks fly.. i dont know how she feels about it.. and now, here i am writing this .. so I'm going to go now.. Fare well

Goddamn, what a day.. It was.. I don't have a name for it, but oh well. I don't know what was up this morning and Katie.. but hmm. I hope she's not mad at me or anything because of the whole Emili thing. I also hope Emili isn't mad or anything, though she has the right to be.. sort of. I basically dumped her to go out with Katie, but it's not working out because I'm still stuck on Emili.. and I mean like HELL am I stuck on her.. so it's causing me to not appreciate Katie as much as I should I guess.. God, relationships suck so much sometimes, I really don't know what the hell to do. Why can't.. things just be normal.. why couldn't Emili trust me? Why couldn't we just love eachother and not have to worry about it.. of all the things I've said to her, i'm surprised she stills talks to me.. She gave me a free write note.. and it explained about some shit.. it helped matters better.. and it was hella long.. a lot of feelings into it.. and i miss her like hell.. more than that.. to the point where.. i dont even know what i want; death, Emili with Katie, or just no fucking relationship what so ever.. if things keep going this way.. it seems i'll be getting the third choice.. I have Katie a nd Emili.. who do I like more? Who makes me happier? who do I get along with? Either way, one girl is going to end up getting hurt.. DAMN! ... what a fucking day.