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RiPe WiT d3cAy (5693)

RiPe WiT d3cAy
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Yo wassup, I'm CoCo, but don't be callin me loco, I'm sittin here chillin lika villain Bob Dylan and willin to do sum killin and im realin wit da feelin i cant ignore so come a lil closer now pretentious whore.. mwaha, what's up? I'm 5'10 180lbs 6pak (not lol) dark brown curly hair, chocolate brown eyes..(Whats not to like) I love to talk about anything, I play drums, listen to music (my life), write poetry, read poetry.. Astronomy rocks.. Emili, you do too! ^_^ If you have any questions.. just IM me on my AIM.. Lol, talk to you later folks.. Blah, SoRrY tO aNnOuNcE bUt DiS fReAkZ gOt 2 bOuNcE sO wIt An X aNd An O iM oUt LiKe WoAh!
Monday February 23, 04

I try... because?

09:28 PM
Argh, FUCK THE PERMANENT record! God, this shit is so fucking confusing.. what the fuck do I do now? No Jenn.. no Ashley.. no Emili.. NO ONE. I fucking hate this.. The only people I have.. are my cat, and you Felix.. this is so fucking difficult.. i wish this girl could understand I can't do anything.. but she just doesn't want to get it through to her head.. Oh my fucking god alksdjf ;lakjdfklaj;wdflkjacl,svmla, rk FUCKING CHRIST! Mwahahahaha, that fucking retard Chris got hit by a car, he fucking deserves it, the bastard. FUCK this shit.. I want to stay single, that's fucking it.. just FUCK relationships. Good luck on Stephan's and Emili's though.. hope they made it farther than I did. I know they, I was just a fuck up. What am I talking about? I'm STILL just a fuck up. " after all these images of pain,have cut right thru you, i will kiss every scar .... i g2g i love u bye bye " What the fuck do I do about this shit?! This girl is so fucking confusing!!!! Al;k ajdFzFalksdfjlk;adfsjlkagj Fucking Loki.. Felix, Help me damnit! I don't want to see this fucking Counselor tomorrow.. I'm going to fucking pour my heart out for NOTHING.. and I'm going to start crying, and then i'm going to start hurting even more, and cutting, and I don't want to fucking deal with this.. what the fuck is wrong with asking for a NORMAL life?! FUCK! OmFg.. a friend asked me what I wanted for my birthday, and I said, "All I want is a day where NOTHING goes wrong.. where I'm happy the WHOLE day. Not one piece of shit happens.. where I don't argue with my fucking mom, sister, grandparent's, ANYONE.. I just want a fucking normal day.." Shit.. that's pathetic.. My friend asked, "What about presents" and I said.. "Oh.. I forget all about that, I don't even want any"... what a fucked up life.. and you know what? FUCK YOU, Brynn BURN in hell you little bitch of a sister! Sadistic little cunt-whore! Drink cum and die, FAGGOT!
Sunday February 01, 04

Updated finally..

11:06 PM
Wow.. holy shit, been so long since I've updated. Oh well, matters not. What's up Felix? Long time not write, heh.. Nice to be back, I need to get some shit out, man.. so just listen like you always do.. Well, It definitely is over between me and Emili, at least I know now, so I'm not wondering and shit, she still loves Brian.. Doesn't bother me, it's just that.. i don't want her getting hurt again.. He sounds like a bastard, but she loves him.. why? I don't know.. not really my business, so I'll stay out of it.. I downloaded so much fuckin' rap tonight.. like 10 songs from Kazaa.. and I finally got MY SONG! Usher, Yeah! ..It's so pimp.. heh, it's my Stripping/Moshing/Raving song.. Because.. i can.. just do it, so UHHH! Yeah, anyways.. it was nice that Emili opened up.. she needed to get it out, and I'm glad I was there for her.. but yeah.. i'm alone.. =\ sad.. i don't like it.. but do i have a choice? Em's dad said I "flirt alot" i dont think so.. but even if i do, im aloud to.. its not big deal, isnt that how most people meet and get to know eachother anyways? im not attatched to anyone, so i CAN flirt if i want.. besides, none of the people i "flirt" with want to go out with me, or like me or whatever.. so fuck that! all of it *shrugg* hmm.. what else to write about? i was.. going to get off and call Em at 10.. but it didnt seem like she really wanted to talk.. and i dont go to the curb anymore, cuz none of them want me there.. i know im annoying and shit, so i just stay away, and stay with my friend Kat by the Bush.. *sigh* Im tired.. and im finally going to go to sleep i guess.. i want to try and go skating w/Emili next saturday, if she can go.. she'd have fun, and she wouldnt have to worry about her problems.. but she'll prolly be with Nikki.. *growls softly* Night all.. Bye Felix, keep it tyte pal.. By the way.. don't forget to look out for my upcoming band, (Kylie Boned Me Rotten)
Saturday January 17, 04

I guess this is it...

10:25 AM
Now it's a clan of uber monkeys.. *Shrugg* .. I guess this is it between her and I.. I don't want it to be, and I wish there was something I could do... *Silhouettes, Smile Empty Soul* This whole CD is depressing.. and it all reminds me of her, because she introduced me to them.. *Sigh* I miss her.. like hell, and I can't tell her how I feel, and it kills me, just looking at her and feeling this way.. I need to tell her.. someone.. I can't keep this all bottled inside of me.. I can feel myself slipping, Felix.. Help me, pal... I Hate feeling like I need to kill myself to get her attention. I hate feeling like I can't have anyone for me in my life. I do NOT need to feel this way at the age of 15.. I hate these fucking emotions that take over me, because then I can't control myself.. I'm fucking obsessed, aren't I? No.. I'm not, I just care for her that much.. I read Emili's updated profile, and I'm not sure if it's referring to me.. but if it is, then I guess she hates me now.. But is being nice and not telling me.. I DON'T want to fucking lose her.. I need her, right now especially, I don't want my mom, or anyone else helping me through this... just her.. Felix, fucking help me.. I'm going insane... And I can't even tell her how I feel.. And I want to SOOOO bad. I just want to tell her... I love you, still.. and I told you, I always will.. we may fight, but it doesn't mean I don't love you.. After we fight, all I want to do is run to you and cry on your shoulder, and just tell you how sorry I am for fucking up.. Not like anything happened, just.. to make up.. not forget about it.. but just.. keep going.. I don't want to lose you, Emili.. I love you.. Bye Felix...
Wednesday January 14, 04

Squadron of Random

04:26 PM
Yeah.. right, whatever. *Sigh* Hey, Felix, how are you? Sorry, it's been a while.. damnit. Amber was crying today, made me sad.. Wish I could do something, but it was better that Stephan broke up with her. My day.. was okay, I guess.. No, not really, it was shitty too... I left to go smoke with my friend in the morning, and then I came back about ten minutes before the bell so I could see Emili, never saw her so I just waited for class to start.. Well, before A3 I saw her talking with Miranda, and I was heading over to go say hi.. but she left, so I was all.. W/e.. Then I asked Miranda what happened, and she told me "Oh, well she says you're not talking to her" ..I didn't see her in the morning so I COULDN'T have talked to her.. god.. I tried to talk to her at lunch again, she just fucking ignored me... Fine, whatever.. If she wants to ignore me, then I'm just going to ignore her, I don't need headaches and heartaches, nor do I need to be played around with.. So yeah.. fuck it all.. I really don't give a shit anymore.. I'm just going to fucking kill myself within the next month.. Bye Felix..
Saturday January 10, 04

Examn Day 1

12:02 AM
Tips and Tricks
Evening Felix.. =) How are you pal? ..Not much going on here.. just.. *Shrugg* Staying alive.. Nothing bad, anyways.. Just missing Emili.. it's days like today that make me miss her alot.. I went over to her house (by way of ghetto scooter.. lol) Before I went over, and she called me.. we were talking about smores.. heh.. Marshmallows and graham crackers.. mmm *Wink wink* hehehehe.. I think she uh.. wasn't too pleased about that, though. Yeah.. So, anyways.. lol, I got there, everything was cool.. we were just playing with the puppies and all that good stuff.. (Nikki was there, but we had fun.. it's never Nikki i'm mad at.. It's Emili when she brings Nikki on our dates.. but w/e.. anyways! We lit off some bottle rockets with her brother.. Lmao that was the best, until one landed about 5 feet away from us because it didn't fly! Mwahaha.. Me, Em, and Nikki ran.. it was scary! But yeah.. and then.. out of nowhere.. she just kind of leans on me because "she's tired" and I don't mind at all, so it's good.. and then.. from then on, she just kind of kept leaning on me.. I didn't like it when she took the frickin cough medicine because it was 10% alcohol.. *Sigh* and then she wondered why she felt sick. =( at least she didnt take any pills.. that scared me the most.. God, I hope she never does that.. especially with that many.. I would kill myself.. because I know that's what it would do to her.. kill her.. *Shivers* Fuck that, I don't even want to think about shit like that.. so anyways.. yeah.. she got tired, and just.. leaned on me.. it was nice.. Made me feel like we were going out .. goddamnit, I REALLY need to get over that.. we're not going back out, she won't do it again, I know, I know.. *Sigh* Quit dreaming, Colin.. But yeah.. I wish we could be like that all the time.. cuddly.. and happy.. I dont know if its ME, or just that there was someone there.. but she was happy when I came over.. Dont know what I'm doing tomorrow.. (Two minutes till 12.. lmao) Not much of "Today" left.. I want to see if I can go skating, or see Emili.. I don't care.. (preferrably see Emili, of course) Maybe take Emili skating if she can? That'd be nice.. don't know if it will work.. so yeah.. Damn.. Don't know what else to write.. oh yeah... I wonder if Maria.. is going.. to say anything to Emili.. I hope not... Good night Felix! Bye, the rest of you...